Horatioooo!

So for some reason nicknames are a big deal down here. Not sure why, but they just are. Most people get generic superficial nicknames like gordo (fatty) or chino (anyone who is and/or looks even the least bit Asian), negrito (black/dark skinned), fea (ugly)... you know, real nice endearing stuff like that. If you're lucky, you might get a more specific nickname, like Papi Pitufo (Spanish for Papa Smurf... one of our buddies who is no more than 5 ft tall gets that one all the time), or Ricky Martin (again, not exactly a compliment).

Not all the nicknames are demeaning, though... some people get cooler nicknames, like El Gato (my neighbor Daniel who has some awesome cat eyes), or El Matador (Jhonny, the badass security guard for Nuevo Mundo).  I've gotten Marco, Marcos, Marcooos, Markito, Perlite, flakito (from flaco, which means skinny... got that one after I lost about 20 pounds that first month). I've always been a fan of Markito, but anyone named Marco can get that, so it wasn't that big of a deal (the ito/ita suffix is pretty standard in Spanish--kinda like the 'ie' or 'y' in Markie, Johnny, Tommy, Paulie).
 

Lt. Horatio Caine on the scene

So anyway, we're on summer break from Mundo and I've been spending my afternooons helping out with our neighborhood after school program Valdivia. Shortly after my triumphant return to the futbol cancha (our cement soccer field... not to be confused with the potentially vulgur concha with an 'o'), a couple of the big kids, Charlie and Christian, started calling me Horatio--a reference to CSI Miami's Lt. Horatio Caine, played by David Caruso.



recent pic from Valdevia rockin the sidepart

CSI is one of those syndicated shows that is huge down here for some reason (other favorites include The Simpsons, anything on the Disney Channel, and Fear Factor). Anyway, I haven't cut my hair since I've been down here, so I've been rocking a pretty mean sidepart recently (see picture--->). Caruso's got carrot red ginger hair, but he's white and also has a legit sidepart, so I guess that's enough to say we're iguales.

I was familiar with CSI and David Caruso (of former NYPD Blue fame), but I decided to do some research to find out some more about this nickname I had earned. So I look up Caruso and Lt. Horacio "H" Caine, and I find out that David Caruso is a) kind of a creep, and b) the Nicolas Cage of the small screen (Yes, Nic Cage is a terrible actor. You know it, I know it, he knows it. And don't bring up The Rock, because everyone knows the City of San Francisco and Sean Connery carried that movie). But I digress... I guess H Caine's signature move is dropping a cheezy line whilst putting on his wire framed sunglasses. Check it out:

A small sampling of the plethora of anti-Caruso blogs out there:

http://davidcarusorevealed.blogspot.com/

http://carusothemanwhore.blogspot.com/

http://davidcarusoandme.blogspot.com/

http://uglycreatures.blogspot.com/



So part of me is a little butthurt that I got nicknamed after such a no talent ass clown, but the other part of me says F that noise. My nickname isn't Caruso, it's Horatio. And while there may be entire blogs devoted to Caruso bashing, Lt. Horatio Caine is a badass ginger detective who solves crimes on the regular and probably parties with hot Puerto Rican chicks in Miami all the time. Now I don't watch the show, but I also imagine he drives a sick sports car top down with a teal v-neck and a white blazer, Don Johnson style. And not only was Don Johnson a badass in Miami Vice, but he also made crime his bitch as Nash Bridges in the best city in the world, San Francisco. And who was Nash Bridges sidekick? Cheech Marin.



So yeah, I'm cool with the nickname Horatio.